At the beginning of every month, I normally find myself posting a recap + intro post, listing the moments of my life that have just fleetingly slipped away and those that are creeping up in the squares of my calendar. But when I sat down at my desk yesterday morning to write that post, my fingertips couldn’t find the right spot on the keyboard.
Sometimes I hide behind my little corner of the internet. I write about real things and real thoughts, but too often wonder if I am doing all that I can in this life, if I am living up to the potential of “good” that I could have. I wonder and worry about the future, about whether tomorrow will be a day of happiness and content or a day where I question my worth and wonder what I might be doing wrong.
There are so many things I want from this life. There are items to be crossed off on to-do lists, and memories to be captured in snapshots, and goals to plan for and work towards. There are dreams that I haven’t even dreamed of chasing yet. But those “dreams don’t work unless you do.”
I am finding myself in a rut. A standstill of waking up and going through the motions, of wishing of things greater but being too burdened by worry to reach out and grab them. I have been too afraid to take first steps.
So instead of listing out how excited I am to grab my first pumpkin spice latte of the season and, once again, trying to mask the struggles of the everyday by brushing them aside, I’m being honest on my little corner of the internet today.
The onset of September always feels like a clean slate to me. The cool temperatures and crisp leaves signify change, an ease into the season of sweaters, scarves, bonfires, and apple pie. But there is something else about the crunch of boots on the sidewalk and school buses stopping at every corner that gets to me: it’s the infusion of possibility and new beginnings. And while I’m certainly looking forward to hayrides and orchard visits, I’m also looking forward to making this month the time of getting started. The time of taking baby steps. Of starting somewhere, anywhere.
With 50 degree temperatures comes a spark in my bones, a reminder that time does not stand still and I can’t wait forever. Hello, September, and thank you for bringing the invigoration I needed to start making the dreams I have into realities.